I Didn't Feel Anything

I wondered to myself, “If I say it now, will it be true?”  Will I be lying if I said, “I surrender.  I am yours”?  I didn’t feel anything.  I wished for something, anything, but my soul is dead.  But its corpse still gets in my way.  He asked for us to come up.  I was the first one there, wondering, hoping that this would finally be the moment.  I’ve never stepped up before.  I told myself its nothing but a symbol.  But I’ve been frustrated by so many defeats I had to try it.  I stood up there as he spoke to me.  And the words that he said to me held so much truth; this had to be it, yet, as he prayed over me, laid his hands on me, I DIDN’T FEEL ANYTHING!  I wished for something, anything! I walked alone, pleading with God, hoping for change.  I believed I had, but somewhere deep inside there was doubt.  I felt nothing but sadness and disappointment.  Is there no hope for me?  How do I rid myself of this doubt?  He told me that I was waiting for something to happen when something already had.  But how could I be saved if I didn’t feel anything?