No Escape

I really wasn't into her at first; I hated to be around her.  But she was extra friendly, and I've never been one to push away a potential friend so I reciprocated.  But as usual, things died for a while, we didn't talk for a few months but we were reunited when the school year started back up.  But things had changed.  It began to seem less friendly and more intimate.  I never once thought of her that way; I was strongly opposed to it.  It was made plain, however, that she liked me.  I didn't want to hurt her and I was starting to enjoy our friendship.  But despite my feelings, we grew ever closer.  And to my surprise, she made me feel unnaturally good.  She made me forget how lonely I felt, if only for an instant.  Spending time with her, being next to her, lying beside her evoked feelings I never imagined she could give me.  I was confused.  Do I like her?  Maybe it’s just the loneliness.  Maybe it could've been anyone.  How do I really feel about her?  The way we were around each other made me question our relationship.  I kept hoping that she was just being friendly; maybe I'm not the only one she treats like this.  Then I saw her treat someone else like this.  I should've been relieved.  I should've been ok.  I was pretty irritated, pretty angry.  I felt betrayed.  I felt belittled.  I felt lonely again. I was so jealous.  Why the hell would I be jealous?  I don't even like her like that.  This is what I had hoped for.  So why do I feel like this?  I knew it was foolish so I handled it, set myself straight.  We are only friends and there’s no reason to have all these unnecessary emotions.  For a time, I felt nothing for her.  I was fine, yet, every minute of the day I can hear her voice.  Every time I close my eyes I can see her next to me.  What is this?  Is it impossible to rid myself of this?  This is so strange, and so incredible.  I can’t deny anymore that I really do like her.  I’ve been caged once again.