Dreams vs Reality

I have found my source of happiness. I have finally found a place to ease the pain. I have found joy in my family and my family does grow. But even now can I still not be satisfied? My foolish soul has yet again found a forbidden jewel to seek after. I have found her once again, my dream girl. But I now know that the dream is not real. I now know better than to view this world through the windows of my dreams, but my soul hungers still, and I do want her. Every time I'm round her I can feel her drawing me in, her look, her smell, her whole being, like gravity. Tempting me to touch, to taste... but no! I made an oath, all I want is to be with her and to befriend her. But we are always apart. All it seems I can do is watch from a distance and dream, and hope. Hope, what a useless word. But dreams, dreams can be so pleasing, so long as they remain only dreams, fantasies, illusions. But this dream, this illusion seems so real when I see her. I can almost reach out and touch it, reach in and hold her, embrace her, kiss her from head from her thighs to lips, touch her from head to toe, I hope I don't wake up but no, I'm still awake and I hope I don't slip up and chase her, chase this mirage. I know I can't keep up. No I can't love her but my soul, it won't give up, no I can't have it. As many times as I fall I just get up, brush it off and I stand it. But fate just won't let up. We were never meant to be but told her I'd make it work, told her I'd make it last. I tried so hard but my life just couldn't stand it. But I guess I can't just blame it all on circumstances, maybe it just me. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, wasn't meant for me. I've been chasing a dream saying, anybody can realize they're dream if they try, but I've watched my dreams be killed one by one. Now my future is looking bleak. I never imagined I'd have to live life without my other half. But then I found I still wasn't alone. I still have my friends, I still have family. But she is still so far. Why can't she be with me too? All I want is her friendship but she is still so far. And her sight still makes me think of my dream. She is so much like her. Her face, her voice, her attitude, her smell, her warmth, her taste... no! No its not worth it! I've already given up on that. I have sacrificed those pleasures and accepted that I may never experience them. I don't need to know them. But she has agitated my calm, shakken my resolve, shattered my control. I want her. Whenever she's near me I can feel her warmth, I hunger for her. I go insane inside my mind as I feel my hands inching towards her but hold back, slap the hand, I can't lose it I gotta contain my soul and chain my body, this urge, but it dominates my thoughts and clouds my sight. I'm blinded by these feelings, why do I have to bear these attatchments? All I want is friendship, Why can't I break these ties? But I guess its good that she doesn't like me back, but it pains me. Her cold eyes haunt me as I ponder the irrelevent. How does she see me? Does she dispise me? Do I even have a chance? How do I end this nightmare? I'm tormenting myself with my undying ambition and this impervious hope. How strange it is to be haunted by this Angel. I guess I must always have a Dark Angel.