Skrewed Upe

>I skrewed up once again. I thought I was better but I'm not, not yet. It feels as though I've gotten nowhere at all. I feel like I abandoned you. I know that I could've done more for you, you needed it, but I gave you nothing and I'm so sorry. My whole world is shaken as I wait to see the consequences of my actions. I restlessly await my chance to redeem myself. My soul craves redemption. T failed at my goal, my life's only purpose. I want to be there for you. I want to be there for you always. I don't want to be like the others, only with you in the good times. I want to be with you in the hard times when you need me but I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help you. I need help. I need teaching. I want to know how to help you, how to relieve your pain when you need me to. I want to be more than I am now, much more, for I am nothing as I am, I am useless. There is no reason for my existance if I remain this way. If I don't change all I will ever deserve is death. I thought I was better. I thought that there was something backing my vows but my words have proved themselves to be hollow. I promised that I'd fight for your hapiness like nothing else mattered, but I've already broken that promise. I can't let that happen again, I won't, and I'm so sorry for how I acted. I thought I was different, I promised, but I promise you now that I will be different, I will be better. I will become stronger, make my words actions. I will be who I said I am, do what I said I would do. And I hope that someday, I will become that man in the window. I know now that it won't come easily but such is life, life is pain, and nothing good comes without sacrifice. I will make those sacrifices. I can't be lazy anymore. I will focus, on you, on me. I'll work hard all day, and make plans all night. I said I'd make my dreams a reality but fuck my dreams. I don't deserve a thing. My actions deserve nothing but punishment. I have missed the mark once again. But I will fight to make this the last time. I am denying myself and my dreams, or at least I'll try. You are all that matter now. I cannot mess up again.