Insanity

I keep telling myself to be calm, but I want so much to be with you so I can’t help but mess with you. My mind is filled with images of you. You have conquered my dreams. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you. Every good thing I wish I could share with you. Every single love song reminds me how much I want you. And every time I think of you, I am painfully reminded of my past, and all the mistakes I’ve made. I remember all the relationships I destroyed and I realize, I am unfit, as I am now, to be with you. I am always tempted to use that cursed word with you but I now know that that word is just an illusion before my eyes. I, as I am now, am not capable of love, nor am I capable of a good relationship. So I must wait, wait until I grow better. But my mind, body and soul are so impatient.

A mind full of hope, haunted by life’s painful realities.

A body instinctively drawn forward, held back by chains of an unwavering fear.

A soul enchanted by dreams, petrified by a history of pain.

Two eyes enticed by a wonderful visage, put off by the distance betwixt.

Two hands smoldering with zeal, yearning to take hold of that which it desires, paralyzed a broken will.

A voice ready to erupt, driven to speak, to yell, to sing, to scream, fighting to release, to relieve the fire burning inside, choked by wariness.

This war with Morpheus and Phobetor and Phantasos, this struggle with my Dark Angel, this is Insanity.